You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
