Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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