Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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