Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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