I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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