dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I pour the whiskey from now on
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
