I cannot find my penis.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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