He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
