the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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