Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
