she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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