She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize