Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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