K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
someone threw a dead crab at me
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
