I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
