My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
