please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
