shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
