There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
