I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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