That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
