I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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