i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
