i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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