I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
