They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just gargled with NyQuil
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
