i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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