What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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