By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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