you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize