What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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