I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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