I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
