I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
