hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
as a side note pls kill me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize