I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
