Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
