i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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