it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
