he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
