Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
