and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
