I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
