"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
