Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
