He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize