Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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