You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
