I wanna bring you to show and tell
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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