Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
