yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She said her name was "party"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
