STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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