She's JV to your varsity
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
