suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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