Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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