note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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