Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
