you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I believe in your delicious
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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