you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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