mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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