We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
