I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
