My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm passing your future prison.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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