Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
