He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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