yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
