Plan B is the new Plan A
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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