Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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